2025 Quarter 4 Random Thoughts

[2025 Sep 13] 1985 - by Yen Tan

Before watching this, I’ve heard of Tan’s work: he’s great at portraying the small, deep details of his characters.

Is anything more depressing and suffocating than being punished for trying to escape a ridiculous, crushing society and losing everything for it? Like a lot of films about gay communities during the 80s–90s AIDS crisis, Adrian — a young guy who left a deeply religious small town in South Texas for NYC — loses his job to discrimination and gets AIDS in the ’80s, with no chance to see the silver linings. It’s been forty years, and we’ve seen leaps in diversity, inclusion, and medical advances. What if he and those others from that time had lived to see it all? There’s no “if” — I think they’d be deeply disappointed to see the rollback nowadays.

Despite the fear and despair, the film is just about the simplest kind of farewell with his family — the escape he wanted but still returned to evantually. The father is homophobic but already knew his secret; the mother, rebelling against religion, accepts him no matter what; the younger brother might even be one of his kind; and the ex-girlfriend, the person he once sacrificed for his sexual awakening, accepts him unconditionally. That farewell feels like a knot rooted deep in Chinese culture — maybe something that influences Tan — unlike many Western cases where kids are disowned and become homeless for being gay, even now.

I should probably make a dead-man’s wishlist too. If I found out I was destined to be gone, what would I do? Maybe there’s more to do than simply giving up.

[2025 Dec 15] Some Decisions

Just turned down my first (and possibly last) Ph.D. offer from KU Leuven. I hope I won’t regret this decision in the coming months :)

[2025 Dec 20] Winter Naadam

Camels are sooo tall and reindeers are sooo small lol.

And some beautiful fashion shows.